We've all witnessed it. Your opponent, having forgotten his towel, routinely marks his ball on the green. He takes one look and has a quick lick to remove that slightly scruffy mark from his perfect ProV1. It would seem to be a harmless enough practice until you recount the amount of times you've seen it that day. And I'd bet my brand new Titleist driver, you've only seen a fraction of the actual tastings that go on throughout the round.

And now the bad news. Golf courses have been using and assortment of aggressive pesticides and herbicides for decades and although there is a definite trend toward more natural and organic forms of weed and pest control most groundskeepers use whatever is necessary to keep their course looking good. The Golf Course Superintendents Association of America (GCSA) contends that properly used pesticides pose no health risk if used according to label instructions. But I'm certain there is no mention of direct ingestion on any labels.

Now I'm certain you would probably never dip your hand into a fertilizer bag in your garage as if it were a big bag of Cracker Jacks. Nor would you pour yourself a shot of Round Up in lieu of cool and refreshing lemonade. And yet I've witnessed the ball licking habit on more occasions that I'm comfortable with.

So tell me. Does proper golf etiquette dictate some gracious way to tell your friend he's working on a slow self-poison?

Let's forget about the PGA for a minute and have a look at the amateur golfer. And not just the occasional amateur, but the freshly-formed golf enthusiast. In the 25 years I've been interested in golf, I've had more than a few opportunities to witness the subtle encroachment of golf obsessive behavior.

Stage 1. Paying no particular attention. This phase usually happens early on when our subject is chock full of novice declarative pronouncements like... "It'll never happen to me!" and "I don't understand why people get hooked on this!" Sure... he's had a little taste. Maybe a couple rounds at the local public links or an invitation to fill in a charity tournament foursome. But somehow, that phone call inviting him out for the round peaked his interest and our unsuspecting subject accepted an innocent invitation to play. And the dead giveaway comment predicting what is to come is that cordial mention after the round... "If you ever need a forth give me a call." And just like that our subject has opened the door to the magical and seductive game of golf without really paying much attention.

Phase 2. What a great shot I made!  Not only is our subject interested in filling in a foursome, he wants to put together a foursome! There was something about that last outing... the weather, the camaraderie, the cocktails or maybe even the crisply manicured course. It doesn't really matter. Our subject has been touched by some little piece of the magic and he's primed for another dose. The next round proves frustrating though. He imagines the crisp iron shots checking up on the green, putts dropping from twenty feet and massive tee balls down the center. Not a chance! He's mastered every skank shot it seems. He can't sink a two footer for triple bogey and every tee ball seems to find the deep woods. You see, after that initial taste he tuned into the Golf Channel and got a look the big game. "It looks so easy when they do it!" It's a frequent exclamation from the hungry phase 2 addict in training. But that 155 yard seven iron he flushed last week left him feeling that he's ready for the PGA. So after a heaping helping of self rationalization and consternation he moves to the next level. He's got to have more!

Phase 3. Dress in the 70s... talk in the 80s... shoot in the 90s. Our subject is full-on golf at this point. In one short golf season he's rapidly progressed to a gotta-have-it player. He craves the latest sticks, the coolest golf shoes, and the best stand bag. He's procured an array of the latest golf shirts, in multiple colors. He rummages around proshops and discount golf super centers. He's ripe for the picking of every trendy golf marketing ploy. He spends untold hours scouring the internet for the best golf deals. Our subject is now walking the walk and more importantly, talking the talk. He can't wait to book that first golf vacation with his new found cronies. The very thought of it gives him an adrenalin rush. He believes his dream round is now within reach!

Sound familiar? Take a look around you. You've no doubt witnessed similar scenarios with some of your own golf pals. Golf is an intoxicating mistress who holds universal powers over her victims. My advice is this. Go with the flow. It'll be the ride of your life!

There are those occasions in this gentleman's sport when it's better not to be seen or heard. You really must make yourself invisible!

I realize that every match has it's fierce rivalry and the competition can never be given an upper hand when there are a few dollars at stake. But consider the simple task of tending the flag. A true and loyal golf sportsman would never deliberately distract his opponent under this circumstance, no matter how easy it may seem. So suck it up... and do it right! Tending the flag is a common golf courtesy and should be performed cheerfully and without any alterial motive.

On the lighter side however, if you really want to scare the bejesus out of your opponent there is the tried and true flag-wave prank. And it's always good for a big yuk!

This is how it's done. The chatter has gone quiet as your opponent labors over how to sink that eight foot par put. Once he settles into position to execute, quietly step up behind and swing the flagstick, baseball style, about five or six feet over the top of his putting stance.

The resulting super-flutter sound will not only break the respectful silence on the green, but has been known to cause a soil-in-the-pants reaction! Be advised. This should only be performed within well-oiled and/or super friendly foursomes as in the heat of the moment, this player may lose his composure and wrap his putter around your neck!

Yes I know... it doesn't really conjure up and image of the perfect golf outing, but with the right kind of early exposure to the game, your kids may just begin craving the game just like you. In Johnny Miller's book, I call the shots, he provides a multi-step scenario that just might get your five year old interested. Here's a little taste..

- Invite your son or daughter to a local course that has a pond or a stream. Bring a couple of lake balls and some junior clubs.

- Rent a cart and let your child steer a little. This is usually a great experience for a young one. They'll brag to Mom about it later.

- Drop a few balls and get him practice swinging. Let him whack a few into the water. The ball splash somehow gives kids a charge. Be sure and provide ample praise and reinforcement for each and every swing.

- After a half dozen or so, stop. Wander down to the waters edge and let them scavenge a bit. Have a discussion about the weather or nature.

- Set out another half dozen balls and let the child hit three or four. Pocket the remaining balls and let them know how much fun you had and how much you look forward to the next time you come out. 

- You've successfully whetted the appetite. Mention your next outing a couple days before and you'll create an anticipation for visiting the golf course.  Mix up your activities a bit. Skip some rocks or bring a fishing pole. The goal is to create and reinforce a sense of pleasure and well being associated with being on the golf course.

Take caution friends... This kind of powerful parenting could be the beginning of their eternal love affair with the game.

It's late in the round and you need this 160 yard shot on the green and close to the hole to stay in contention. You've got your game face on but the pressure is mounting and the tension in your neck, shoulders and arms is on the rise.

Understanding good breathing techniques can help you sting that ball and put it up there close! Negative thinking tends to increase tension. Exhaling or breathing out maintains or reduces muscular tension so breathing out should help ease the dreaded muscle tension that can easily increase your chances of skanking that all important approach shot into the weeds. This is also a good step toward helping you feel a sense of control. Visualize the precise landing area for your shot rather than sweating the technical muscle positions and gyrations.

Yoga and fitness babe, Katherine Roberts, who is a regular on The Golf Channel's The Big Break and Makover Challenge has an informative article on breathing awareness that is well worth a read if you're interested in learning more about these all important breathing techniques.

We're all attempting to reach that state of relaxed concentration. You know... where Tiger lives.

I was invited to play at one of St Louis' premier golf venues last week. A good friend belongs to Bellerive Country Club and was gracious enough to invite me to join him for a morning round. 

Bellerive is a long and lush tract scouted and designed by Robert Trent Jones Sr. in 1960. It has played host to many PGA events including the 1965 U.S. Open and the 1992 PGA Championship. The scheduled 2001 American Express Championship was cancelled abruptly due to the the unfortunate events of September 11th that year. The course has recently undergone a substantial year-long renovation in preparation for hosting the BMW Championship in September 2008. This awesome venue was the beginning of what was to become a perfect storm.

The early morning warm up on the range was brisk but comfortable. I worked my way from the mid-irons through an assortment of wedge shots. Then off to the gargantuan practice green where indeed all the dollars are won and lost. It was one of those incredible fall days when you find pleasure playing in trousers and long sleeves. I was nervously excited.

My member friend ordered up a caddy which I shared with my playing partner. Here's an intimidating guy who has a masterful knowledge of this freshly tuned-up layout including every preferred landing area and every break on every green from everywhere. And he's an excellent golfer in his own right. My nervous anxiety is building.

Did I mention my playing partners all carry low to mid single-digit handicaps? Can you feel where this is going? It had become a day I allowed myself every confidence crushing disadvantage. I literally psyched myself right out of the round. It was the first time in a long time I had reached that dejected golfer's self loathing "sub-human" level. I slithered out of the well-appointed clubhouse after some light banter over lunch wondering when, where and how my game had abandoned me so completely.

Later that evening I came across Mike Pedersen's fantastic blog entry, Simple ways to keep your golf stress-free. And as if a ton of bricks had been lifted, I felt like a new man with a new outlook as I devoured several other posts on mental golf. Sometimes slipping gently into the abyss provides the right opportunity for improvement. Thanks Mike.

The gimme as defined by the The Golf Expert seems straight forward enough.

gimme - (aka: "gimmie") a putt of sufficiently short distance that the players in a group agree that it would certainly be holed and as such do not require the player to putt out (but do count one more on the score card). 

And to be sure, it certainly helps to move a group along a bit more swiftly. Don't you hate waiting for a typical Saturday foursome that meanders around the green in front of you lining up two foot putts as if they were touring pros? This is where the gimme earns it's well deserved practice.

And then there is the art of giving and receiving gimmes. There is often a certain cadence associated with the gimme putt allowance. If a lengthy putt is reasonably well executed, a gimme can come almost automatically. If, on the other hand, the execution is questionable, there may some hesitation with the gimme call which often triggers the gimme anticipation dance. The putting player feels the need to give the conceding group a bit more time to deliver the gimme call. In these cases the golfer generally takes his time approaching the ball and may casually glance up for the briefest of eye contact with his opponent. He may also slowly gesture toward the ball as if to mark with the anticipation of the "pick it up" comment.

In the end, it's a reaffirmation of personal comradery that compels opponents to give away strokes to their fellow players. Check this cool story recounting the famous two foot concession Jack Nicklaus gave to Tony Jacklin in the 69 Ryder Cup. Jack is the man!

A friend pointed out an interesting swing lesson in Golf Digest by two hot instructors Andy Plummer and Mike Bennett. They call it Stack and Tilt. As you would expect, it's very well defined and illustrated by Golf Digest and as with any new methodology will require a significant commitment to put it into your regular game. Once mastered, it promises solid contact and improved consistency. We'd love to hear reviews from anybody that's put it to work.

Geoff Shackleford posted on this topic earlier this month and it generated a boatload of interesting comments that are all over the board. Well worth a look. Chris at Eagle Par Birdie made an interesting comment at Geoff's site.

"I'll bet you won't see this swing from any pro over 35 and NEVER on the Champions Tour. Which means, when all is said and done, it's a swing for young golfers. By the way, where are the young recreational golfers these days, anyway? In short, the swing has no future."

And on the other side of the coin Bruce is a big fan.

"The Plummer/Bennett article gives me permission to hit the ball the way that feels best to me. The "tilt" move is new for me and really helps me load up without moving off the ball. I still have some work to do flattening my backswing but I am having the best practice sessions I have had in many years."

And finally, I was particularly moved by the pure insightfulness of yet another comment.

"When I see Tiger doing it, I will believe it..." Amen, Jacko.

Doing business on the golf course dates back a long way. Traditionally, the plaid panted good-old-boys had mastered the high art of carving out relationships and making deals on and around the links. But the times, they are a changing according to a recent article in The Wall Street Journal. Now we're seeing consultants who are staging seminars on how to go about arranging the perfect golf foursome. The DVD Go for the Green expounds in specific detail the most effective business-golf foursome which not only includes the host and target, but a validator and influencer as well.

The PGA of America underwrites classes at colleges and universities on using golf as a business tool. Around 59 schools offered classes last year, including Stanford and University of Texas. It seems that the meticulous arrangement of every detail prior to the round, such as water in the carts and corporate logoed golf balls demonstrates thoroughness. Your going to want to step onto the first tee box well prepared and confident instead of the age old complaint of your aching back, sore feet or never enough time.

So, heads up boys and girls, the next time you're playing with your good salesman buddy you might want to ask if you're there to validate, influence or buy something! 

There are some peculiar personality traits that are associated with the yips. My theory is based on my own experience and that of my own circle of golf cronies. I've suffered from various yip maladies off and on over the years and one consistent issue that is always present is my own nervous-nelly state of mind. It's simple things like, the first time on a new course or playing with an unknown group or some hi-stakes ($2.00) Nassau bet. The point is that it doesn't take much to create an unsettled and uncomfortable mindset that either runs rampant over my entire game or just settles in over the money putts. My solution is to quiet my head. Rationalize the real situation and calm down.

Golf girl has written a fascinating post on World Golf  that sheds more light of truth on this mysterious and often undiscussed golf syndrome. She's good! You can pick up more of her nuggets of golf wisdom here.

Had I known that golf was as easy as understanding the geometrically oriented layer of force, I might have gone out for the pro tour. Take a look at this simple lesson. Nothin to it ...a kid could do it!  As seen on Eat Golf